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16 September 2014 @ 03:04 am
I'm every every hues of pissed off right now  
to keep with the shade-theme. Right now, I really want to bash common sense and decency into some head, for the exact reason, on friday, when my mother out of the blue asked me to write a speech about family spirit and harmony between us, I flatly refused: there are no way in hell my father and his brothers will ever achieve that, they never did, they never will.

But I'll get to that later, I'm just gonna talk about friday for now. That day almost sent me into complete fury. My mother actually; I've always have problems defining what's bothering me about her. Finally got a satisfying way to describe it. Lack of common sense, which is why I definitely spend more time scolding her than the other way round. For example, Gemini lost a patch of fur on his belly. I'd noticed that a few days ago and was wondering about that since it'd never happened before. Then, on friday, I learnt that she had bathed him. With the shampoo we used to bath Wizz in his last weeks. A shampoo whose expiration date was back in May and she never thought of checking it before applying it. C'mon, the last time we used it was in 2012, that's the sort of stuff you check out.

Anyway, back to lack of common sense and annoying stuff a bit later (yeah, I know, again). You need some context. So, traditionally, after the passing of someone, there's the Famangiana Manjo. I don't know the exact translation but we use the term 'Offering of Condolences'. Basically, like the title indicates, it's family and friends presenting their condolences to the family of the dead person. They agree on a day to organize it and then, all the extended family and closest family friends come to the house of one of the closest relatives of the deceased person, usually the spouse or the eldest child, to offer their condolences, a small speech and financial help to cover the expenses. The biggest difference with western condolences though is that it's a very codified ritual. We chose a spacious room in the house for the ceremony. The closest relatives of the dead are sitting in one corner and the others come in front of them, offering their condolences family per family, the head of the family speaking for the others (but the others can also speak). It takes a lot of time because it's not just 'I offer you my condolences', it's kabary, public discourse. Also, when we're saying family comes, it's not only all the cousins and others on my father's side, there were also family of the spouses... And easily a good 70 people on that evening. I think the whole thing lasted something like 6 hours. Also, of course, the hosts need to feed the guests... And it's also a time of rejoice because we get to see people we haven't seen in years.

But I'll get to that later, I'm just gonna talk about friday for now. That day almost sent me into complete fury. My mother actually; I've always have problems defining what's bothering me about her. Finally got a satisfying way to describe it. Lack of common sense, which is why I definitely spend more time scolding her than the other way round. For example, Gemini lost a patch of fur on his belly. I'd noticed that a few days ago and was wondering about that since it'd never happened before. Then, on friday, I learnt that she had bathed him. With the shampoo we used to bath Wizz in his last weeks. A shampoo whose expiration date was back in May and she never thought of checking it before applying it. C'mon, the last time we used it was in 2012, that's the sort of stuff you check out.

So, yeah, lots of preparations to do. Which leads me to another point that annoyed me to no end. I'm far from being faultless, but if there's one thing I hate, it's being scolded for things I haven't done. And well, 'scolded' in my father's manner so it's mainly calling me an ungrateful ass and completely rude and it’s always the same thing with me, a complete disappointment. So what prompted that? Laugh with me, it’s extremely stupid. My mother needed help to carry the bags after grocery shopping (she needed to go to the butcher after that and the bags would’ve been too heavy for her), so I told her to leave me a message when she’d be checking out, then I’d join her to help: much simpler for both of us since the supermarket is a 2 minutes walk away and I needed to get some real clothes on me. Then, at some point completely out of the blue, he called me and well, already said that earlier ‘scolded’ me. So I asked him what was going on, because my mother hadn’t messaged me yet and he just answered ‘I don’t know, she just called me right now and told me you’d join her at the supermarket.’

And I know exactly what went through his head, he thought that since my mother telling him that, I had either let my phone discharged (which I had be careful not to do) and/or just flatly ignored her text. At that point, I just shook my head, got dressed in haste then went straight to the supermarket to discover that my mother wasn’t even at the check outs. And I waited five minutes there before noticing I’d forgotten the bags to carry the groceries. I was so seeing red at that point. Anyway, I had the time to go back home, take the damned bags then back to the supermarket and my mother was finally there. Her answer when I confronted her about that ‘oh, I was calling him and after I found it easier to tell him to pass you that’. My eyes rolled so much they probably would’ve fall from their sockets were I a cartoon character. And when she wasn’t even finished with the groceries on the top of that.

But to be fair, she apologized and even let me take cha siu bao home: a Cantonese barbecue-pork-filled bun so something I haven’t eat home for years because of the no-pork policy. And it’s one of my favorite food. So that was a very big move on her part and I appreciated that a lot.

The last very annoying point was when we met family at the hospital’s funeral home for them to see the body: my maternal granddad (not that I’ll ever call my father’s dad ‘granddad’) and gran as well as my godfather’s spouse, parents (I think?). It’s a way to show their support for the family. I might’ve been a bit harsher than I intended when I told off my mother for suggesting I took a picture of my grandmother’s corpse with my phone, but well, why the hell would I have to have pics of a corpse in my phone? But, I did decided to sketch her, then offer it to my father later as my condolences gift. So, at the time, it was already 5pm, and we still had to do some shopping, organize the living room and do plenty of stuff. And we had to do all of that in about 3 hours and a half. Counting the fact the road back to home would last at least 40 minutes.

And this is when my mother properly annoyed me to no end. You just don’t endlessly complain you haven’t got enough time when you stay there and speak endlessly with people. I don’t care it’s family or whatever. If you’re in rush, you just excuse yourself and you go as fast as possible. You’re the host, and they know you probably still have tons of things left to do, they won’t fault you for that. We spent more than 20 unnecessary minutes in the hospital hall after we went out of the funeral home. This just pisses me off, because after she will complain she hasn’t got enough and there are still so much to do. Ugh. Common sense, use it.

And I’ll end the post on this because it’s getting late and my evening was mentally exhausting. Friday isn’t finished, but with that, I got all the negative out. Also, what completely pissed me off is for another post too; I just lacked the courage right now and I’d rather not just write that Tatiana’s dad and my father are complete jerkasses XD I mean, even for my father, this was completely insensitive… (I wasn’t the one assaulted though). Anyway, the post is long enough like that.
 
 
Mood: pissed offpissed off
Music: Murray Gold - Up the Shard
 
 
 
     Mandya_phoenixdragon on September 16th, 2014 02:32 am (UTC)
Bless you, bb...I'm sorry.

*HUGS*
Luo: Aries — Hugluorescence on September 24th, 2014 03:32 pm (UTC)
*hugs*
Azzie's corner of madness: Marthaflowsoffire on September 16th, 2014 02:38 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry, love, that's a lot of crap and tension and annoying things to put up with… Thinking of you ♥
Luo: Peter Capaldi — Green drinkluorescence on September 24th, 2014 03:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you ♥ ♥ ♥